A Decision

It's been a long week. The doctor's visit was a failure - I think I mentioned that he doesn't like me, but is good to mother. He doesn't listen to me, nor does he make time to talk to me without mother present and there's so much I can't talk about in front of her. Result? Maybe a hospital bed if Medicare will pay for it. Nothing else. I never even got to the social worker part - I'd given up by then. He said no anti-depressants until she starts getting angry - um, doctor, she yells and cusses and didn't I just get through telling you that she threw her medicine across the room the night before? No anti-psychotic medication until she starts getting delusional - well, I couldn't talk to him about the visits from Regis Philbin or anything in front of her. I mentioned that she was sleeping all of the time and the only thing he got from that was to say that the medications I suggested would make her drowsy and prone to falling and sleep all of the time - just what I was complaining about. Dear doctor - I wasn't complaining, I was telling you a symptom which can be a symptom of depression. Cripes. She has lost 23lbs since May. She didn't eat well today either. My sister-in-law picked up a couple of singles of Ensure - different flavors so we can experiment. At the emergency room they suggested a g-tube. We've spent the weekend talking about it (long distance to my brother and then on the phone too to my sister in a nursing home) and decided that we would never do that. If she quits eating entirely, she quits eating. We know what is in store for her - she's falling more and more into a world of paranoia and fears - the pain from her arthritis is getting bad too. She's crying most of the day when she isn't sleeping. This was a hard decision to make and I know that there will be many who won't agree with it - but in the end, it's our decision.