Sunday, August 06, 2006

A Decision

It's been a long week. The doctor's visit was a failure - I think I mentioned that he doesn't like me, but is good to mother. He doesn't listen to me, nor does he make time to talk to me without mother present and there's so much I can't talk about in front of her. Result? Maybe a hospital bed if Medicare will pay for it. Nothing else. I never even got to the social worker part - I'd given up by then. He said no anti-depressants until she starts getting angry - um, doctor, she yells and cusses and didn't I just get through telling you that she threw her medicine across the room the night before? No anti-psychotic medication until she starts getting delusional - well, I couldn't talk to him about the visits from Regis Philbin or anything in front of her. I mentioned that she was sleeping all of the time and the only thing he got from that was to say that the medications I suggested would make her drowsy and prone to falling and sleep all of the time - just what I was complaining about. Dear doctor - I wasn't complaining, I was telling you a symptom which can be a symptom of depression. Cripes. She has lost 23lbs since May. She didn't eat well today either. My sister-in-law picked up a couple of singles of Ensure - different flavors so we can experiment. At the emergency room they suggested a g-tube. We've spent the weekend talking about it (long distance to my brother and then on the phone too to my sister in a nursing home) and decided that we would never do that. If she quits eating entirely, she quits eating. We know what is in store for her - she's falling more and more into a world of paranoia and fears - the pain from her arthritis is getting bad too. She's crying most of the day when she isn't sleeping. This was a hard decision to make and I know that there will be many who won't agree with it - but in the end, it's our decision.


Blogger Karma said...

My grandmother is in a similar situation right now, and it really is horrific. They can't get her meds adjusted even though they're trying stuff, apparently. Can you find a different doctor who will treat you better and be more helpful? It seems like you're doing everything you can to help your mom and are making good decisions. Take care of yourself.

Mon Aug 07, 12:58:00 PM CDT  
Blogger Gail Rae said...

Oh, Bailey, I just want you to know, I'm thinking about you and your mom and will continue to do so. Consider this a long, hard hug.

Tue Aug 08, 04:19:00 AM CDT  
Anonymous Deb Peterson said...

Eve, I'm sorry to hear about that doctor. Who knows how effective any medication would be, but he could at least listen to you and try a very small dose of something, if you tell him what you think is occurring. Depression can make a difference in appetite. But I want to thank you for being so honest about your decision. I would decide exactly the same thing--if your Mom is tired enough of where she is to stop eating, how can you force her to go on? This is all so difficult for you--just remember that you have friends out here who understand and, like both Karma and Gail said, are thinking of you.

Tue Aug 08, 06:17:00 PM CDT  
Blogger Paula Martinac said...

Bailey - That is such a hard decision, but, given the circumstances, one you needed to make. I haven't read your blog "cover to cover," but is there any chance of consulting another doctor? I've had the exact opposite experience with doctors here - in fact, I've had to stop them from overmedicating my mom. But your mother's doctor just sounds so way off the mark - even if he's good to your mother - that it would be worth another try.

Fri Aug 11, 09:51:00 AM CDT  

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