Thursday, September 07, 2006

I'm Still Here

Sorry I haven’t been around much – just a bit overwhelmed at the moment, and quite frankly, after I get through taking care of mom in the mornings I’m just so frustrated with AD that I don’t want to talk about it. It now takes me about 45 minutes of arguing and cajoling to get her out of bed, onto the pot and then back into bed. I’ll admit, there’s a bit of yelling going on too. On both sides. Her arthritis is really bothering her, and I know it’s painful, but it has to be done. By the time I get finished with that there’s housework, then lunch and naps, supper and evening TV. It seems that there isn’t any time to blog that hasn’t just followed dealing with AD. She cries a lot during the night. I used to run in every time, thinking there was something wrong, but when I ask her she says she’s fine, so now I just listen for a more hysterical cry. I can hear her babbling, having conversations with people who aren’t there. I’m feeling more and more alone, frustrated, tired, stressed. My agoraphobia is worsening – phone calls to strangers will bring an almost immediate panic attack. Going to work twice a week is the only break I get. People have offered to sit with her, but I don’t know how she’ll react to strangers. Getting her to eat is difficult, so I hate to leave her during eating hours, even with those people she knows, because I don’t want to scare anyone away. I need them more for grocery shopping than my getting out.

I’d forgotten how cathartic this is to just get things out.

I promise not to let it go so long next time.


Blogger Gail Rae said...

I'm here, listening, wondering, hoping, for both you and your mother, but mostly for you, Bailey.

Fri Sep 08, 06:54:00 PM CDT  
Anonymous Deb Peterson said...

It's good to hear from you! I echo Gail's words. And I wish there was something that could help your Mom sleep better at night. My mother has been on Zyprexa, which helps her. I know that caution has been urged against its "off-label" use in treating dementia, but it's been helpful for my mother. It was prescribed primarily for the hallucinations--and it has helped enormously in that regard--but I also like the fact that it helps her to sleep--that's been her prime time for confused wandering.

I'm thinking of you, Eve--just drop me a line if you ever need to talk.

Fri Sep 08, 08:33:00 PM CDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can empathize with your level of frustration. If I didn't have "my time" after 8 pm I don't know what I would do. My mom at this point is a very good sleeper and has a healthy appetite. She's exhausted by early evening and sleeps up to 12 hours a day.
Sometimes you have to accept help from others even though it's really hard to let go of the caregiver role even just for a few hours. I find that my 2 hour blocks of time when a home aide comes in is about all I need to get a break, do a chore, or sometimes even do something for ME. I've also found that I don't even have to leave the house just because the aide is coming that day. Just to have someone here at home to follow Mom around & relieve me of that task is a nice break. It's not easy but you must take care of yourself too. Sorry to ramble on but your words sound oh so familiar...

Fri Sep 08, 09:00:00 PM CDT  
Blogger Bailey Stewart said...

Thank you Deb and Gail.

Anonymous - you can ramble all you want. You're welcome here.

Fri Sep 08, 10:54:00 PM CDT  

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